COUPLES THERAPY
I provide a neutral, holding space for you to explore current challenges in your relationship within the context of your background stories. Whilst the issues leading you to seek therapy might be clear, (such as breakdown of trust, loss of intimacy, sexual incompatibility, infidelity, growing resentment and frustration) I find that over time, couples will tend towards exploring current impasses in the context of their histories, particularly their childhood traumas*. I will encourage this enquiry, not only to help you to understand how your childhood relational needs may not be being met in your relationship but also how you can take responsibility for the ways that each of you are contributing to relationship difficulties. The most important principle that informs my approach is that each and every dynamic in the relationship is co-created.
I am committed to maintaining a neutral stance which supports both individuals involved in a process of self development as well as relationship repair and growth. Often the way to restoring intimacy is by taking responsibility, re-evaluating our expectations and enhancing our emotional independence. I will encourage you to explore yourself within the context of the relationship, whilst also expressing your needs and wishes, as honestly and openly as you can.
I trained in couples therapy with David Slattery, whose concept of relational trauma states helps to understand how relationships can get stuck in painful patterns, often for long periods of time. Relational trauma refers to dynamics which are stuck, closed, overwhelming, restricted, often in a spiralling freefall. In helping each of you to stabilise yourselves, and understand your partners needs you may once again reveal the love and intimacy between you.
In some instances, it can become clear to you and your partner that the relationship needs to come to an end. In these circumstances, sessions can help to facilitate a separation which is as painless as possible.
And you don’t have to be in crisis to come for couples therapy. It can be an enormously positive step to engage in a facilitated conversation during difficult transitions and decisions, not because you are struggling but because you want to get more from your shared life together and support each other's personal growth. When a couple is deciding on parenthood, marriage, or considering retirement can be rich with opportunities to deepen your understanding and connection.
Useful questions and answers to help get you started.
